Is it emotionally harmful to be involved in a relationship that has no clear definition of first, its goal, and second, its boundaries?
I’m asking myself and anyone who understands what I am talking about–
What are we doing with our lives?
What are our ultimate goals?
Why should we spend so much time investing in people who are not going to help us reach those goals, who are ultimately going to cause us hurt because we were too busy being in love to see a bigger picture?
Why don’t we learn from our past mistakes and run-ins with our emotions, why aren’t we wiser next time we have that fluttery feeling about someone?
Why don’t we listen to the people around us who love us and have experience and know better?
WHY ARE WE SO STUPID???
Rachel O'Laughlin 
I’ve determined I couldn’t date anyone without completely regretting it’s end. That is one thing I’ve suddenly and quickly learned.
Oh Graaace… and then I go and steal your graphic! What kind of friend am I?! (One who loves your graphics choices, I suppose.)
Hi Rachel,
I really agree with your frustrations here! Our society creates a lot of confusion and doesn’t give much helpful direction. I think there are some Christians, though a minority, who have a healthy attitude about how to get to know someone of the opposite sex. Personally, I think one helpful way to think about it is to ask yourself if you could know what your future spouse was doing with their life at this moment before you have met, what would you want that to be? To me answering that makes a nice summary of the situation because then it shows what you should be doing!
Saving all physical romantic affection for marriage is clearly the way to go but it seems to me that a lot of people today simply do not think that is possible, so they totally abandon that ideal. Nobody is perfect, of course, but that does not mean that we should stop striving to be perfect. Therefore we have to keep an ideal about what actually is perfect! Otherwise our actions can degenerate into a moral morass.
Really Satan thrives on short term thinking because when we use a short term perspective that is his domain. God’s perspective is eternal so the closer we come to thinking that way the more we can honor him.
I wonder if you have done a lot of thinking about the “right” way for people to get to know each other?
Thank you for writing this blog because it’s really encouraging and inspiring to me to see a young woman with your clear thinking and writing talents.
God bless you!
Tom
I like it!
The 3 greatest advocates for christian men are in my opinion these women, Laura Slessinger, Debi Pearl, and Elizabeth Eliot. Read these woman and you young ladies have a chance to “get it”. Try this book by 2 christian wives called HOW TO GET YOUR HUSBAND TO TALK TO YOU. It aired on christian radio last week. It was hillarious.
THE OLD GUY
I thought I might take a shot at this…. not that i claim to know much but I have spent many restless days and nights thinking about this so here it goes….
Being in the science feild im tought that we are put on this earth to find a mate that will supply our offspring with the best genes, keep us alive, long enough to pass on those genes and make sure that they continue to be passed.
However I can not believe in this fully. If this is what we where ment to do then how come we have been programed with emotions and problem solving abilities? And more importantly the capacity for love?
That leads me to my next point, as what are we really trying to be… and the only thing I can think of is happy. The careers, money, flashy cars, the ultimate love are societies superficial and “ideal” points for happiness. But I am not society, I am my own person with my own view and the only thing that makes ME happy is living life to the aboslute fullest. You just have to ask your self what is a (reasonable) dream that I would want more than anything? Go for that.
As for the rest of it. We will not, no, can not listen to wiser, more experienced people because we have to do it on our own. What good would life be if someone else lived it for us? That would NOT be being happy, i can say that much.
We will still keep making mistakes untill we learn from them, and also maybe they are not mistakes at all…
I will leave you with this note just remember…
The higher capacity for love, the higher capacity for hate.
Hope this helps! :-)
Chelsie
Hey Rachel, I agree whole heartedly. Relationships are messy at best. Yes we must have boundaries but often don’t take the time to clarify them and why there needs to be boundaries. It’s not to hurt someone, but to keep them from being hurt. I have preset limits and am very upset when these limits are pushed through. I loose respect for the other person.
Thank you and thank Jesus for the time that you put into your writings that you share with us.
Shalom
hmm, good question….very well put…challenging, and something that i imagine everyone asks in some way at many points and in different ways throughout their life. of course, the specifics are for each person, though it seems the answers, (if that’s even that correct way to phrase it) are of the same source.