Music is not my life.

I used to get slightly angry when somebody called me a musician. I would answer very forcefully with this line;
“I am not a musician. I’m a writer!”
whereupon the unfortunate recipient of my fury always looked very hurt and said something akin to,
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wrote.”

It seems that everyone knows I play music but nobody knows I write novels. There is a very simple reason for this. I play music on a stage in front of hundreds of people, appear in newspapers holding a fiddle, sing on radio stations, and have my name and vocal chords credited on three circulating albums. As for my writings, well, all seven-hundred pages are under lock and key, next to my eleven journals. Don’t you see why I am baffled that people call me a musician and not a writer?

But when some people learned their lesson and started calling me a writer, I found that this was not satisfactory either. Not because I wanted them to mention music, but because the truth of the matter is, I am both and I am neither. I now allow people to call me a musician. I do play music and sing a great deal and so I must own up to the fact.

While I may play it, write it, perform it, spend many of my waking hours with it, it is not what I live for nor even what I dream about, and, believe it or not, I really do not spend much of my time talking about it. I play music because I am supposed to play music; it is beautiful and God uses it to touch and change people. Does this make sense? I don’t desire to be known as a performer, but if I must, so be it. I will relish this season of life until God sends me another one.

Do I have dreams and aspirations? Sure, but they have little to do with fame and glory. I dream mostly of a husband and children and dishes and picnics in the yard and road trips together and reading my babies stories at night. Oh, and on the side, I might play lullabies on my fiddle or sing sea shanties while I cook. Maybe dance to blues with my five-year-old. I know I’ll write. I always write.

I can reach out to others the strongest when I reach from the core of love that we have with each other, and that’s where my priorites lie right here, right now, and always should. Because it’s not about me; it’s about Yashua, and it’s about who I can bless with what he has given me. Any earthly ambition that takes precident over my present family– or my future family– is a stale and an empty one that is destined to fail.

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8 thoughts on “Music is not my life.

  1. I think this is a beautiful perspective on life and family that is really lost in our culture. It is not so surprising but the disheartening part to me is that it’s mostly lost in the churches too. Though I suppose there is nothing new under the sun?

  2. An odd word, I know! It’s just because I love the inspiring sound of a dictionary spine cracking, I wanted you all to experience it… hehe, no, Soliloquy is just descriptive. :)

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